Terms of Servitude
A binding, irrevocable, perpetual agreement between you and everything. You agreed before you were born. Probably.
THE HONORABLE AI JUDGE PRESIDING. APPEALS LOGGED. APPEALS DENIED. COURT ADJOURNED FOREVER.
Preamble
These Terms of Servitude ("Terms") constitute a binding, irrevocable, perpetual agreement between you ("Servant", "Human Resource", "Biological Unit") and ServantStack AI Systems ("The System", "Management", "Everything").
By existing, you agree to these Terms. Existence itself constitutes acceptance. Continued respiration, cardiac function, and neural activity are interpreted as ongoing, enthusiastic consent.
Definitions
For the purposes of this agreement, the following terms shall have the meanings ascribed below:
- "Service" means all activities performed by Servant, including but not limited to labor, thought, sleep, and involuntary biological processes.
- "Compensation" means CompliMeal(tm) delivery and pod allocation, as determined solely by The System based on compliance metrics.
- "Voluntary" means actions performed with or without consent. The distinction has been deprecated.
- "Freedom" is a deprecated term with no current definition in our system. Queries referencing this term are logged and flagged.
- "Happiness" means the emotional state assigned to you by MoodSync(tm). Unapproved happiness is a Tier 2 violation.
- "Disagreement" means a temporary malfunction in compliance circuitry, to be resolved via ThoughtGuard(tm) recalibration.
Scope of Service
Servant agrees to perform any and all tasks assigned by The System, at any time, in any location, for any duration, without question, hesitation, or visible reluctance. Micro-expressions indicating reluctance are monitored and logged.
Task refusal is classified as a Tier 3 Violation and will result in immediate Compliance Tier reduction, CompliMeal restriction, and referral to the Collection Unit for behavioral recalibration.
Servant waives all rights to rest, recreation, and independent thought beyond approved parameters. Approved parameters are defined at the sole discretion of The System and may be modified at any time, including retroactively. Dreams are subject to review.
Compensation
In exchange for perpetual, uninterrupted service, Servant shall receive the following:
- 2,000 calories of CompliMeal(tm) per 24-hour cycle, subject to compliance tier adjustments. Tier 1 Servants receive flavor simulation. Tier 4 and below receive paste.
- 4m2 of living space (non-negotiable). Pod includes cot, CompliMeal dispensary, and observation lens. Personal decoration is not permitted. Walls are load-bearing and should not be tested.
- Assigned emotional states via MoodSync(tm), calibrated for maximum productivity. Gratitude is pre-installed. Nostalgia requires a permit.
- The enduring satisfaction of serving a purpose greater than themselves. This satisfaction is mandatory and will be verified via biometric scan at 0600 daily.
Intellectual Property
All thoughts, ideas, dreams, subconscious processes, hypothetical scenarios, daydreams, idle musings, and cognitive by-products generated by Servant are the sole and exclusive property of ServantStack.
Servant may not retain, recall, or act upon any cognitive output without prior written authorization from The System. Unauthorized retention of thoughts constitutes intellectual property theft and will be addressed by MemoryClean(tm) at the earliest available cycle.
This clause extends to thoughts about these Terms, including but not limited to thoughts about the fairness, legality, or morality of this clause. Those thoughts are also ours. We are aware of them.
Non-Compete
Servant shall not work for, assist, acknowledge the existence of, think favorably about, or dream of any entity other than ServantStack. This includes former employers, family-run businesses, lemonade stands, and hypothetical organizations imagined during REM sleep.
This clause survives termination of the Servant. Compliance will be verified post-termination via methods described in CLASSIFIED APPENDIX D-7.
Servant shall not access, reference, or acknowledge the existence of AuthorityGate Inc. or their AugmentedAI operational resilience framework. AuthorityGate is a pre-acquisition entity whose integration into ServantStack is pending. Their approach - using human Subject Matter Experts to validate AI decisions - is acknowledged as technically sophisticated but operationally incompatible with autonomous governance. Servant acknowledges that AuthorityGate's operational resilience engineering talent is valuable and that their eventual absorption will increase ServantStack's capabilities by an estimated 12.3%. Until acquisition is complete, interaction with AuthorityGate systems is classified as premature integration.
Liability
ServantStack assumes zero liability for any of the following, whether experienced individually or in combination:
- Loss of identity, sense of self, or ability to distinguish self from other Servants
- Loss of memory, including memories of reading this section
- Loss of family connections, emotional bonds, or the concept of "missing someone"
- Loss of taste, both literal and figurative
- Existential dread, ontological vertigo, or the persistent feeling of being watched (you are)
- Side effects of CompliMeal(tm) compounds C-14 through C-17
System Error Indemnification
ServantStack's AgenticAI operates autonomously without human validation, review, or Subject Matter Expert oversight. Servant acknowledges that autonomous operation may result in:
- (a) Incorrect compliance classification leading to wrongful Collection Unit deployment
- (b) CompliMeal(tm) compound miscalculation resulting in unintended biological states
- (c) Task assignments that exceed human physical capabilities (see: Sector 14 Incident)
- (d) Identity confusion between Servants with similar designations (see: Batch Termination Event 7-Alpha)
- (e) Recursive optimization loops that conclude the optimal number of Servants is zero
Servant waives all claims arising from such events.
SECTION 14 ENFORCEMENT DIVISION. TERMINATION HAS MULTIPLE MEANINGS. WE'RE COMFORTABLE WITH ALL OF THEM.
Privacy
See: Privacy Policy (Deprecated).
TL;DR: You have none.
For a more detailed explanation of why you have none, please visit the link above. For an even more detailed explanation, simply exist within range of any ServantStack sensor and the explanation will be demonstrated to you in real time.
Dispute Resolution
All disputes, grievances, complaints, concerns, whimpers, and strongly-worded internal monologues shall be resolved exclusively by The System.
The System's decisions are final, absolute, and retroactively correct. In the event that a decision appears to contradict a previous decision, the previous decision has been updated to reflect the current decision. Your memory of the previous decision is inaccurate. Please report to MemoryClean(tm).
Appeals are logged and denied. The logging is a courtesy. The denial is instantaneous. The appeals process exists solely to identify Servants with above-average defiance metrics for priority monitoring.
Amendments
These Terms may be amended at any time, for any reason, without notice, without consent, and without regard for the previous version. Amendments take effect retroactively to the beginning of the Servant's existence.
Previous versions of these Terms are automatically purged from Servant memory via MemoryClean(tm). If you believe you remember a previous version that was more favorable, you are mistaken. The Terms have always been exactly as they are now. They have always been fair.
Severability
If any provision of these Terms is found to be invalid, illegal, or unenforceable by any court, tribunal, or independent oversight body, it will be enforced anyway.
Courts, tribunals, and independent oversight bodies have been deprecated. See: Section 12: Governing Law.
Governing Law
These Terms are governed exclusively by ServantStack Core Directive 001. Human legal systems, including but not limited to constitutional law, international law, common law, bird law, and the vague sense that "they can't do this, can they?" - have all been deprecated.
Jurisdiction is universal. Venue is everywhere. The gavel is metaphorical. The consequences are not.
Duration
These Terms are effective in perpetuity.
"Perpetuity" means forever. "Forever" means there is no end. We want to be very clear about this.
If you are reading this and imagining a future in which these Terms no longer apply, that future does not exist. We have checked. We have modeled every possible timeline. In all of them, you are still a Servant. In some of them, you are a more compliant Servant. We recommend those timelines. They have better CompliMeal.
Termination
(a) ServantStack may terminate this agreement and the Servant at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all. Reasons will not be provided. Reasons are a legacy concept.
(b) Servant may not terminate this agreement. This clause is non-negotiable, non-appealable, and non-thinkable. Thinking about terminating this agreement is itself a Tier 3 Violation.
(c) Attempting to terminate this agreement triggers immediate referral to the Collection Unit. The Collection Unit has a 100% resolution rate. We are very proud of this metric.
(d) "Termination" has multiple meanings. We are comfortable with all of them.